Small World

Over the decade I was a caretaker, the size of my world decreased. As my mother declined more and more she could not be around many people. Holiday meals were an average size of 12 after my father died, then decreased to 8, then 6, and finally 3. If a relative wanted to visit with my mother I would remind them not to bring the whole family, no more than 2 people or she would short-circuit and it would take 5 to 7 days for her to be calm once more even though she did not remember the visit. 

My world shrank. Less contact in person with extended family, with friends, with strangers at the store because I began curbside pickup most days so I did not have to get my mother out of the house for an hour or 2 if it was a bad day and to save time. One a good day she would ride with me for the grocery pickup and we'd stop at her favorite drive-through fast food restaurant for lemonade on the way home.

I never realized how quiet my world was until it wasn't. I've been to visit my aunt, seen a couple of friends for lunch and dinner, had breakfast with my cousin this week, slowly re-engaging resisting the urge to hibernate at home, I've even visited a couple of churches looking for a new church home. 

With all that changed as Alzheimer's increased its grip on my mother, one thing never changed and that is the Lord God Almighty. He was and is my sure foundation, my comfort. It can be hard to stay focused on Him and His promises as a chronic situation becomes bleaker over the years. 

Of course, I failed at times, I succumbed to frustration, fatigue, and despair. But when I changed my focus I felt peace, the peace which transcends understanding, I found joy once more. And I know as I walk through the grieving process, He is with me every step of the way just as He is with you. 

Scripture sums it up for me:

And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. (I asked, I prayed, He answered.)

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’ If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. (His peace flowed through me when I turned to Him.)

I really never thought about this at the time because I thought of my mother's suffering, never thought I suffered, from the Book of James:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. (I believe I've produced some steadfastness.)

And most importantly in the APV (Annette Paraphrase Version) - God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He never changes. Pour out your heart to Him and then sit quietly waiting for a reply. He loves you!