Challenging January

Over the weekend my mother was hospitalized again. Sunday it became evident to the doctors, it was time to make a decision regarding my mother's future. I made the painful but correct decision to put her in hospice care at the Alzheimer's facility. 

For over 10 years, I've pushed, pleaded, cajoled, organized, scheduled, and "controlled" major portions of her life as Alzheimer's grip increased. With hospice, she is being made comfortable and I am once more her daughter. 

She said I want to go, I told her when He calls you by name go. Since my mother is from another generation my husband told her how much he loves her and not to worry, he would take care of me. 
She smiled and said thank you and I love you too. 

Yesterday her BFF Karen and I read a few of her favorite passages from Psalms and various books in the New Testament. I will share one now, Psalm 121, from the ESV:

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
    he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
    your going out and your coming in
    from this time forth and forevermore.

I'll say goodbye to her soon but rest in the comfort I will see her again one day. 

New Day

A few hours after my last blog post, my mother tripped and broke her hip. It has been a hard week for her, due to Alzheimer's she forgets it is broken and doesn't understand why she is no longer at home.

I've signed so much paperwork, I may have signed away one of my dog's kidneys. Tomorrow I will take an orchid plant to the hospital where she stayed several days. The nurses and CNAs were excellent at their job and poured out love and compassion on her.

Today she will be transferred from a skilled care facility to an Alzheimer's community.

So now, I must clean out her house which will take me for quite a ride down memory lane and prepare it to be a rental house. I must be wise in what to keep, donate, and discard.

I also will learn how not to schedule my day around her needs and what if she needs mentality. As the demands increased over the last 10 years, and her life became more and more narrow so did mine, I didn't realize how much so until it dawned on me last night I had not seen her or talked to her in 24 hours. I can become reacquainted with friends in real life and take a road trip at some point this year. I think there is an extrovert buried deep inside just waiting to get out and re-engage with society.

A new season in 2019. We know there are trials but we also know there is joy. I think I've been tested somewhat, I think I produced steadfastness, and I choose joy.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

Week 1

Christmas is so far back in the rear view mirror I can barely see it. Many of my days are the same which is to be expected working part-time and caregiving full time. There is little deviation from the schedule, as a result, most days typically pass slowly.

In the last 8 days, I've made plans to see a friend Sunday after church and to see another friend for dinner next week. Human contact outside my husband (I love him and am thankful for him, but I need time with my friends.) and care recipient. So far, I have not scheduled time for my online French course. I also signed up for an online stretch class. The class to work the calves, ankles, and feet seemed easy enough. Then, 4 hours later, each step was agonizing. Illustrates just how much I need the stretch class! 

So my 2019 goals thus far are:

Spend time in person with a friend/friends at least once a month. 

Send greeting cards once more.

Complete online French course.

And I added the stretch class, my goal is to take a class 2 or 3 times a week. 

Spiritually speaking, as always my goal is to spend time in prayer and in the Word. Today, I failed. But that is OK, the day is not over and tomorrow is a new day.

God is merciful and forgiving. Psalm 103 (NIV) sums it up for us:

.

1 Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6 The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
15 The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children—
18 with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the Lord, you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his bidding,
    who obey his word.
21 Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
    you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the Lord, all his works
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.

11th Day of Christmas

Today is the 11th Day of Christmas, it seems like Christmas and New Year's sped by more quickly than in years past. My house is still decorated, my Episcopalian roots are showing, I will pack away the Christmas decorations on Epiphany.


No resolutions for me this year, I did set 3 goals:

See a friend/friends in person at least once a month. As a caretaker, I let friendships slide without meaning to do so.

I've also been slipshod about mailing cards to friends and family whether it is a birthday card or a card to encourage them. Valentine cards are purchased and will be mailed next month.

Another goal is to complete an online French course. The book is purchased, the course is paid. Time to schedule it a couple nights a week after work.

Short but sweet list, I think it is doable. I may add to it next quarter.

As always I encourage you to spend time in the Word and prayer each day.


For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.