Letting Go...

It’s time to say goodbye to an old friend, my 1990 Kenmore washing machine, we bought it just before our friend’s baby Blake was born in January of 1990, which is how remember it’s age. It has sprung a leak which my husband says cannot be repaired. He is going to buy a new washing machine this week. (I hope it’s not my birthday present, I want a reel mower.)

The machine is old and outdated, but I know how to work it in a comatose state. No thinking involved. That’s how bad habits or besetting sins can be in our lives. Maybe we think about them and repent and then sin again, maybe we lug them around like an old friend, maybe we have swept them under the carpet and never think about them because it’s not like we are out there murdering people. But sin is sin is sin is sin.

The Bible tells us:

You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence. (Newsflash - they aren’t a secret!)

If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Sin weights us down and hinders us.)

About 4 years ago, I forgave my mother-in-law after she made a remark excusing sexual abuse of children which took place under her nose and with her knowledge, I then became angry with her again and judged her, then I forgave her, then I cycled into sin again and was like a gerbil on a wheel – forgive/angry/forgive/angry. The phone would ring and I saw the hospital name on the caller ID and I would not answer it, nor would my husband. It took a lot of prayer to really forgive her. I never got the love back I had for her before the truth came out, something broke inside of me. I asked the Lord to fill me with His love for her, He did, but I never got the family type love I had for her back. I really prayed for her to love her children as she should and for there to be wholeness in our relationship with her before she died. That didn’t happen, but through the Lord and His grace I could love her with a Christ like love.

I looked & acted like a child of God during the cycle of sin, but the Lord knew the true state of my heart and it was not pretty. Only 2 people knew about the remark she made and why I was so angry, I let others assume it was the way she treated my husband which factored into my anger as well. I was just as much in sin as she had been while children were being sexually abused. Her sin just sounds worse. The Bible tells us be angry, sin not…however I was angry and sinning big time. I judged, criticized, and excuse the language, just plain bitched to 1 of my sister in laws over and over and over – picture gerbil on the wheel again.

I am so thankful the Lord did a big work and me and anger is no longer a besetting sin which weighs me down. I carried it around for nearly 2 years. I am now praying and really working on not eating too much and exercising too little as I have gained 25 lbs this year and was already 30 lbs overweight in January. I want to be a healthy child of God, whole in Christ Jesus. He will help me conquer this sin and He will help you conquer besetting sin in your life too, just ask Him. Through Christ we can run the race free of the hindrances which weigh us down.